Saturday, March 10, 2012

I Beat Up Boys

This afternoon Shark Girl got on top of Husband. If you want to be technical, I was in mount.
“Try to get up,” I said. “It’s been a long time since we’ve wrestled.”
When I started BJJ, Husband wrestled with me periodically to check my progress. This resulted in a series of professed back injuries and whining, until Shark Girl couldn’t take it any more and just stopped the progress checks altogether.
“I know I can’t get up,” Husband said. “I’ve given up. It’s official: you can beat me up.”

I do have a long history of beating up boys. It all started in the third grade . . .
Psychedelic Time Travel Picture (and optical illusion)
***
When Shark Girl was in third grade, Mother of Shark Girl came home from the parent-teacher conference with some news for Dad.
            “She scratched a boy,” Mom told him, chuckling.
            She was laughing because here was this cute little, tiny girl, (Little Shark Girl was about the size of a kindergartener) beating up on boys. It was the family joke for some time. (Even today if you were to bring up this incident around the Extended Shark-Family dinner table, Brothers and Sisters would ROTF and L. Or L their FAO. Or maybe they would just LOL. I know they would do some acronym.)

Nowadays, a student scratching would be a huge deal, written up by school administrators. The perp would be forced into counseling, or Child Services would be brought in. Back then, Mother of Shark Girl only asked, “Why?”
            “On the playground, Paul B— gave my friend Danielle half a chi-chi,” I explained. (A chi-chi is our familial term for the double butt squeeze often given to cute children’s bottoms.) But I wasn’t telling everything. When the lights were off in my and my sister’s room that night I whispered to her that the half chi-chi was not on Danielle’s backside, but actually Paul had grabbed her crotch. Little Shark Girl was defending Danielle’s honor.

Danielle moved to our school in third grade. I’ll never forget the first time she came into class. She was tall and pretty and blonde. When she walked into the room, everyone’s head turned her way. I felt a pang of jealousy. Why couldn’t I be blonde? Danielle wasn’t perfect. She licked her lips in our blustery winters, causing chapping that extended up to the base of her nose. It didn’t matter, though, she was blonde, and Little Shark Girl learned the hard lesson that tall and blond trumps cute, dark and short any day.

Up until Danielle came along, Paul had a crush on me. It was on that very same playground in second grade that Paul danced around me singing, “If I can’t have you, I don’t want nobody baby!” Little Shark Girl rolled her eyes and told him to get away. Maybe I scratched him then, too. If I didn’t, I should have.

Check out the song, plus the groovy 70s vibe!
***
I’ve come to terms with Paul and what happened in elementary school—both the sexual harassment and even being “dumped” for a blonde. (Believe me, I hadn’t seen the last of either experience.) So tonight when I heard “If I Can’t Have You” emanating from the Oldies station, my hand dropped from the buttons and I started singing along. Husband is not an Oldies fan, so to placate him Shark Girl said, “This song brings back memories,” and I told him the story about Paul B—.
“Humph,” Husband replied.
“What is it?” I asked.
“Well, I was just thinking. . . . If you had married Paul B—.”
“What?”
“Well, if you had married Paul B—, not much would be different. You’d still be beating up on him!”
Thanks, Husband, for your vote of confidence.

19 comments:

  1. Cute, short and dark every time for me. But then I'm only 5'7, which probably has a lot to do with the fact I go for shorter women. Of course, my girlfriend insists she's taller than me, but I still have at least an inch on her even when she's got her heels on. ;)

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    1. Just tell her she is taller. Trust me. : )

      I'm sure if you weren't across the Pond and in diapers, Little Shark Girl would have tried to beat you up, too. Heck, I actually look forward to the day when maybe, just, maybe, i can try to beat you up now. Of course, that darn purple belt that will probably get in my way. . . .

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  2. Ah, but then you'd have to reveal your secret identity. ;p

    Seriously, I would love to get a chance to train at your gym. When I finally make it out to the US, it will be all over my blog. Should it happen to be near you, let me know. ;)

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    1. Sounds like a plan. Can't wait! Of course, you'll have to keep a secret. Can I trust you?

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  3. Cheers,
    I just found your blog and thought I'd introduce myself...actually, I want to be added to your over 40s rockin the jits. I just started training in Dec, and just turned 41 in Feb. I have 3 daughters, 5, 9, and 10, and all of whom also train in Jiu-jitsu. In fact, my 5 and 10 yr old are both NAGA champs. I hope to join them in May at the next NAGA New England... Jiu-jitsu has become my obsession, and, like many of you, I am now training full time and in the best shape of my life. Lovin it!!!

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    1. another quick addition... I am only 5'0, and about 118lbs...so am ALWAYS the smallest in our gym...even with the teens. Getting smushed is a daily occurance. However, I will learn the techniques, and I shall overcome. I have no problem rolling with the bigger guys, do get a bit grossed out by the smellier/sweatier ones, but such is jits, and sometimes enjoy showing off my bruises.... Rock On!

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    2. Awesome, Jen! Do you have a blog? I assumed at first you were the Jen from Family Mat-ters, but if that was the case your profile would be this. :)

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    3. Hi Jen, and welcome. I'm happy to add you to the Ladies Over 40 List. Looks like I could have a subsection for petite ladies over 40. : ) So glad to have company in both departments.

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  4. ROFL I like this story seeing as I was always the tiny little one beating up boys in school too :P

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  5. Ditto. I used to be a shrimp and beat boys up in elementary school too. Protecting my little brothers, though. :) I made up for my size with a lot of attitude. ;)

    Off the mats again for illness. Also cannot afford it $$$ at the moment. It's depressing not to be able to keep up with it properly.

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    1. Ah, yes, the attitude. I took that on, too. The glory days of elementary school!

      So sorry you are on a forced hiatus. That must be very frustrating.

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  6. Can I ask a personal question - did this turn you (or hubby) on?

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    1. Because it's a huge turn on for me to be physically dominated that way. I've recently found out that quite a few other people (or at least guys) seem to feel the same way. If you google "mixed wrestling" or look it up on youtube, the amount of video and pictures is unbelievable. So i was just curious really, about an apparent fetish that I have. Also, generally speaking (and i know the list of unusually strong women is long, especially with gyms like crossfit these days) it is pretty unusual for a woman to actually win at wrestling. No girlfriend of mine has ever really been able, just playing around. That said, last year I went to a BJJ class and saw women regularly submitting bigger me. It was amazing to see. Obviously I contained my arousal there but i've always fantasized about meeting a woman with real bjj skills. Anyway, there you have it. Thanks for your awesome blog. - Jim.

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    2. Hi Jim,

      Thank you for your honesty.

      Since you understand that you are not alone in your turn-on, I’m wondering if you really need to know how Husband feels about it. In the end, it makes no difference. You can pretend whatever you want about Husband, and as far as you know that will be the truth. What is truth to strangers on the Internet? Is my post even true? Or did I make it all up? The truth is what you believe.

      Nay, I would prefer to let Husband’s feelings remain shrouded in mystery. After all, isn’t it more exciting to wonder at the possibilities than to indeed know the truth? Words sometimes can limit the imagination.

      I can say that, as a woman, Brazilian jiu jitsu gives me confidence in a way I never had, especially because I am very petite. It is refreshing to see that a good deal of men do not find it intimidating but, rather, attractive.

      Thanks for reading and I hope you find a BJJ goddess to help you out!

      SG

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    3. ''What is truth to strangers on the Internet?'' if thats the case then what you post on the internet for? lol dummy!

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    4. and aint no one gonna find that ''intimidating'' LOL

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    5. omg, Anon, two insults in one day; first clueless and now dummy. What will it be next? I think you have read many of my posts and therefore I assume you have enjoyed them. There is your answer to why I post. Everything I post on the Internet not true, and I imagine the same is with you. Anyway, thanks for reading and I hope you enjoy it. I'm about to smack down another post I think you will like, so stay tuned. Cheers!

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  7. Thank you Shark Girl - great answer!

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