Saturday, February 14, 2015

Jumping on the Cup Wagon . . .

Georgette, our favorite Female-Over-Forty blogger is tackling the issue of men wearing cups.

G. and her readers are discussing the technical advantages of cup-wearing. There is also a healthy debate about whether men should or should not roll with them and why. You can read it all here. I thought I would add my two cents on Cup Culture, among other things.
 
Insert junk here.
I’ve never thought much about the technical “advantages" or "disadvantages" of my male partners wearing a cup. I’ve also never been hurt by a cup sparring, though it seems many people have, including the wearers it was meant to protect. Usually, I do not think about my male partner's junk at all while grappling. I like to pretend they are Ken dolls. Neutered. As far as I’m concerned, they have no junk and I’d like not to be reminded otherwise.

Most of the time I am successful in ignoring my male partners’ genitalia. But there are several times when Shark Girl is oh-so unfortunately reminded that she is not sparring with the anatomically censored. And by Jesus, it really fucks with my concentration.

When I feel the cup, all of a sudden my little, private, no-gonads reverie is smashed. My partner is not a eunuch, and what is more, now I have to decide if he is a creep. Because the first thing Shark Girl thinks when she feels something hard down there is, “WTF? This dude better be wearing a cup!” I do not know whether to avoid the crotch region lest I contribute to this “excitement” or to do some recon into the area to make sure it is indeed a cup. All of this decision-making wastes precious time. In addition to thinking about grappling, now I have to decide whether my partner is “rolling for pleasure” and that butt grab was really NOT an accident, or whether he is just over-protective of his balls. Then I have to figure out what course of action will make me most comfortable in finishing this roll. My partner? He is just thinking about grappling. He has the advantage.

Dear Reader, this next section is not for prudes. If you continue reading, you were forewarned!

There is another thing that distracts me in the same way as the cup. Let me describe a recent scenario:

I was rolling with a male partner. We were having a splendid, technical time. I moved lithely around his body to maintain position, and my face happened to end up near his nether regions. On the next inhale, what did I smell? Semen. Yep. So, either this dude is pre-ejaculating to my fancy jitsu moves (I can’t be that good!), or he had a grand old time before class and forgot to wipe the sex off. I sincerely hope it was the latter. But, color me distracted. Instead of thinking about how to finish my move, my mind was going back and forth between creep alerts and visions of my partner in some afternoon delight:


Okay, this original is even funnier than the Anchorman clip. Watch for: the air guitar from the female lead, extra-large corsages, a prairie skirt, and two ladies singing to the smarmy 70s dude. I dare you to watch and not laugh.


I imagine that these things distract both men and women alike, providing a distinct technical advantage to the cup wearer or the pre-class sexy-timer. And there are hundreds of other little distractors that give advantages, like a period or a fast-food smell.
Yes, I want fries with that!
Or, maybe I just have ADD. . . .