Tuesday, October 30, 2012

How to Protect Your (Kids’) Candy on Halloween


We here in the Northeast are celebrating the retreat of Frankenstorm tomorrow night by hitting the streets  and threatening folks for candy. But beware! Many hooligans are poised to steal your (kids’) candy without putting in any of the hard work of verbal coercion and knocking on doors.

Here John Machado shows you some armbars to protect your little goblins:

 Please do not use your jiu jitsu to get candy. That’s just wrong. Have your own kid and steal theirs.

 And finally, if you want to do some of the tricking, watch this:

 Have a safe and happy Halloween!


Shark Girl’s heart goes out to all of you who have been affected by Hurricane Sandy.

Saturday, October 20, 2012

My (Short-Lived) Life as a (Soft-Core) Porn Star


Last spring Shark Girl found herself really busy. Too busy to blog. As I watched my stats dip from disuse, I decided not to check my blog at all. I mean, who cares about stats, anyway?
 
 Finally, when precious time came back into my life, I gingerly clicked my blog and braced myself for zero stats. To my surprise, my graph had been skyrocketing for over a week! What the deuce? What has happened since I last visited you, blog?

Out of curiosity, I checked my traffic sources and found that an older post had been receiving lots of attention, and most of it was from a little message board.

Don’t do it! You’re whispering out loud to yourself. Don’t click on it! It’s like the girl in the horror movie who you know is going into the house alone to investigate. You, dear readers, know I should not click on unknown websites, and you are shaking your collective head in dismay and terror. But I did. I did click on it. You must know I did. And I explored that message board. It was all about women and bodybuilding. I posted a thank-you. The message boarders received me friendlily. Maybe too friendlily.

I kept getting traffic from the message board. Why are they so interested in my stupid story? I wondered. I dug deeper into the site, curious to know more about the place. Most of the posts were from men, and some of them started asking more personal questions. Hmmm . . . this was a little strange. And then it dawned on me—this was a fetish site.

A fetish site? I was being highlighted on a fetish site? Now this was something really new for me. I’m about as sexy as a carpool mom on Saturday morning (cf. Chess Hot). Never have I been the subject of fetish. So, now I was slightly stunned and I must admit intrigued.

When I shared it with Sister of Shark Girl, she got really excited. She started drawing up plans to go big with this whole thing. She now wants to monetize Shark Girl BJJ and sell subscribers videos and other stuff. (Sister is the corporate one; she often runs with ideas and takes them to their money-making end. Like the time we picked up stray balls at a nearby golf course and sold them back to the golfers. This is why she works in banking.)
Anyway, the buzz has died down. As the weeks roll by, I get fewer and fewer hits from my little message board. But I will never forget that, for a while, a short while, I was not some suburban mom dragging my kids to activities and losing my shit at overflowing toilets and battling boys. I was not waxing my mustache and hiding grey roots. I was a Brazilian Jiu Jitsu Goddess who could sweep you into submission, put on a rear naked choke, and never, never let you forget you’re a ...    
 
 bloke?
 
Oh, and don’t worry. I’m not going to go all soft-core on you. I can’t sell videos and remain anonymous. But I think this whole experience has added to my caché: International Woman of Mystery and Soft-Core Porn Star. It has a ring to it.


Sunday, October 14, 2012

Prepare to Meet Your Doom!

A training partner shared this with me recently:




It would be so much funnier if I didn't feel like Artie most of the time!