A New Religion (I'm Back!)

The cruise was relaxing. The new profile pic is me and 8-Year Old Son on a beautiful, Bahamian beach. Don’t we look rested? You will all be happy to know that my new, improved BJJ abs helped my side of the aerobics studio win the Ab Attack class on the ship. We held the plank pose for over 5 minutes. Most importantly, none of my innards broke on me while I was sailing international waters, far from tertiary medical care.

The doctor-on-call gave me permission to cruise after an ultrasound revealed a giant-sized stone squatting in my kidney. This, folks, and the raging infection it produced, is what has been causing my nagging side pain. So I loaded up on cipro and headed off to sea, promising to see my doctor upon my return.

I saw Doctor on Monday. She referred me to a specialist. I asked if I could still exercise. Doctor laughed. “You’re the only patient that asks that. Most people are relieved when I tell them they can’t exercise. Fine, just take it easy.”

            “Okay. I’ve started jiu jitsu, a contact sport. Does that mean no contact sports?”

            “I don’t think you want to get crushed and pushed around. That means no contact sports until you see the specialist and see what he says.”

            “Okay,” I acquiesced.

            I went to the counter and waited as Receptionist made an appointment with the specialist. I can take a little time off, I thought. No big deal. I’ll get an appointment this week, have this resolved next, and I’ll be back.

            Receptionist said, “How’s March 16^th?”

            March 16^th? Like two weeks from now? Did you tell them how big the rock in my gut is? “Ummm, is it okay that it’s so far away?” I asked hopefully.

            Doctor passed by. “Yes. You can wait until then,” she said reassuringly.

            Shark Girl’s thought process went like this: If I wait two weeks and the specialist says contact sports are fine, then I’ve wasted two weeks, haven’t I? And if he says they aren’t, then I’ve got at least another month before I can get back on the mat. I’m not going to wait that long, so why wait at all? Really. This kidney boulder has probably been brewing for years. What will another month hurt?

Yes, Shark Girl’s inner voice started to sound like a crazy jiu jitsu fiend. And then out loud, I said to Doctor, “Okay. But the deal is off. If it’s going to be that long I’m not guaranteeing I will stay away from contact sports.”

            “Come on,” Doctor said scoldingly. “What is this? A new religion?”

           

It’s not a new religion, but it does feel good. I went back to class Monday night and tonight. I warned my classmates that I’m going to be tap-alicious until my ailment gets resolved. They were all very understanding, and actually quite helpful. They offered to jostle me around to break up the stone.