- Half of a visit to the mechanic for my time-weathered Volvo Wagon
- A week at summer rock’n’roll camp for 8-Year Old
- Almost 5 months of BJJ classes
- My father once said, “I can do a lot of steering for $500.” He was haggling for a car and that’s how much extra the power steering cost. Of course, he said it in an Italian accent, so that made it funny.
- 5 Stub Hubbed tickets to the Chris Cornell concert that Husband was too sick to take me to. Yep. Those 3rd row, aisle seats sat empty thanks to bronchitis.
- 7 pairs of running sneakers
- 5 Pokemon Blacks and 5 Pokemon Whites
- 10 spa pedicures, without tip
- 33 pounds of prosciutto di Parma from my favorite Italian store
- 45 pairs of frilly underwear
- One hundred foofy Starbucks coffees
- 335 containers of Greek-style yogurt
And . . . one mouth guard custom-made by my friendly, neighborhood dentist.
Shark Girl just got the notice that, no, her insurance did not want to kick in any money, thank you. So, unless Shark Girl wants to continue risking dental gaps, she’s got to fork out 500 smackers for a mouth guard. (If you recall, Shark Girl is much too dainty for the commercial mouth guards one can buy in the local sporting goods store. Sigh.)
I broke the news to Husband gently. He frowned.
“Yup. I know, it’s a lot.”
“Do you really need one? Really?”
Now, one of the things I love about Husband is that he’s not really concerned that I meet some beauty standard. If I never shaved my legs again, he wouldn’t say anything. It would be a non-event. “You shave your legs, you don’t. What’s the difference?” He doesn’t quite understand why I like to hide the blossoming gray population in my hair. If I look like I just stepped out of a salon, he doesn’t notice. But what he would notice, and care about, is missing teeth.
“What if you don’t get it?” he asked.
“Well, I could lose a tooth.”
Not a moment’s hesitation on his part: “Oh. Okay. You need to get it, then.”
“It will be my birthday present,” I assure him. And after a pause, “And yours, too. You can’t have a toothless wife.”
Happy Birthday to me.
PS: Spellcheck just suggested I substitute “prostitute” for “prosciutto.” Since I don’t know how many of those $500 can buy, I think I’ll leave the prosciutto.