Tuesday, July 26, 2011

Shark Girl Needs to Get Her Blog On

Here’s what happened last night in the Shark Girl household:

Dinner, 9:00 PM
“So, honey, I was rolling with a PLD (Particularly Large Dude) tonight,” Shark Girl said over her burrito.
            “Mmm hmm,” Husband absently replied.
            “He complimented me on a move I used. It wasn’t the nicest move, but PLD is over twice my weight. His arm is the size of my thigh!” I continued.
            “Mmm hmm,” Husband absently replied.
            “He said that I was putting a lot of pressure on him and it was uncomfortable. Uncomfortable! I made PLD uncomfortable!”
            “Mmm hmm,” Husband murmured, reaching for a stray section of the New York Times.
            “I said I was sorry for using a ‘mean’ tactic, but that I felt I had to or I wouldn’t have gotten out of his half guard.”
            “Mmm hmm.” Husband flipped a page.
            “He said that I should use it every time, and that I might even get taps from it!”
            “Oh, hey,” Husband said, here’s that piece on Dog Day Afternoon you were talking about.”

Before Bed, 11:30 PM
“So, can I show you the technique from tonight?” Shark Girl segued after helping Husband come up with a Scrabble play.
            “Su-rr-e,” Husband dragged out the pronunciation of this word, expanding it to three syllables.
            “Okay. Come over here.” I led him to the bed. At this point, most husbands would start to get very excited. Husband, however, sighed audibly and, with a look of resignation, got ready to lie on the floor. “No, you can get on the bed this time.”
            “Hhhhh, okay. Watch the back.”
            I positioned our bodies correctly, and showed him how I would, if we were sparring, drive all my weight into my knee and maneuver properly to cause serious discomfort. “But I won’t actually do it,” I assured him.
            “Why not?” Did he say that? Really? Mr. Don’t-Hurt-My-Back-Ouch-I’m-Going-To-Feel-That-Tomorrow was asking me to bring it? I wasn’t falling for that trick.
            “No, but can you imagine what that would feel like?”
            “No. I don’t get it.”
            Now the sigh came from me.

Sharing the Bathroom, 11:45 PM
“Well, it’s very exciting, because one of the principles of jiu jitsu is that a person may be stronger than me, but their arm isn’t stronger than my whole body.”
            “Mmm hmm,” I could see the veil come down over Husband’s eyes, like that clear eyelid that reptiles have to shield their eyes from desert dust. The sound of his tooth brush filled the room.
            “And I may weigh 108 pounds, but when I focus all that weight onto one point of my body and put it on you, well, that’s not going to feel good.”
            “Hmm . . . oh, I canceled that meeting that I was telling you about.”
            [Pause] “Sweetie, thank you for tolerating my jiu jitsu talk.” Shark Girl gave Husband a kiss on the cheek.


8 comments:

  1. Still laughing! I had a similar conversation with my son tonight after class.

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  2. I used to have those conversations with my husband too! Except after the first "lemme show you" demo, he wouldn't any more.

    That is, until HE got into it too. :)

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  3. I think that's great that you both do it. HYou're at separate gyms, right? Do you practice at home or give each other tips?

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  4. This was really funny and familiar. Reminds me of some conversations I have with my boyfriend after bjj class. Sometimes I even ask him to put on a gi jacket so I can get the proper grips. He's a good sport to put up with these things.

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  5. I started making a grappling dummy, but stalled out. Sometimes I ask my teen kid, but she gets the lizard veil too. She knows that if she actually does the hard thing and rolls her eyes, then I'll toss my head and flounce off, and she won't get any special favors from ME for awhile. She does allow herself a long-suffering slump and barely-camouflaged sigh.

    Anyhow, SHARK GIRL, it's a shame your husband is such an unanimated cold body for you, and I sympathise, but WHAT'S THE TECHNIQUE!?

    Sheesh. You don't even mention what it is. ;)

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  6. Hey Anon, I'm curious about your grappling dummy. How are you making it?
    I think the technique was the nasty knee ride where you pull up on your opponent's head while driving your weight into their sternum. Too much fun!

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  7. Going nowhere on grappling dummy. ;P
    Let's just say it was a lightweight plastic human form with poppable joints, and a lot of work needed to be done to it with uncertain future results. It needed weight padding and reinforcement of joints to give some resistance and some way for the whole thing not to fall apart when I abused it with reps. Back to blackmailing relatives.

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  8. Wow, that's intense. I encourage you to keep at it. Blackmailing relatives is always troublesome. Plus, not as easy to pop their joints back in afterward, and then they stop inviting you for Christmas dinner. Of course, I say this not from experience....

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