We here in the Northeast are celebrating the retreat of
Frankenstorm tomorrow night by hitting the streets and threatening folks for
candy. But beware! Many hooligans are poised to steal your (kids’) candy
without putting in any of the hard work of verbal coercion and knocking on
Here John Machado shows you some armbars to protect
your little goblins:
Please do not use your jiu jitsu to get candy. That’s just wrong. Have your own kid and steal theirs.
And finally, if you want to do some of the tricking, watch this:
Have a safe and happy Halloween!
Shark Girl’s heart goes out to all of you who have been affected by
Last spring Shark Girl found herself really busy. Too busy to blog. As I watched my stats dip from
disuse, I decided not to check my blog at all. I mean, who cares about stats,
Finally, when precious time came back into my life, I
gingerly clicked my blog and braced myself for zero stats. To my surprise, my graph
had been skyrocketing for over a week! What the deuce? What has happened since
I last visited you, blog?
Out of curiosity, I checked my traffic sources and found
that an older post had been receiving lots of attention, and most of it was
from a little message board.
Don’t do it! You’re
whispering out loud to yourself. Don’t
click on it! It’s like the girl in the horror movie who you know is going into the house alone to investigate. You, dear readers,
know I should not click on unknown
websites, and you are shaking your collective head in dismay and terror. But I
did. I did click on it. You must know I did. And I explored that message board. It was all about women and bodybuilding. I posted
a thank-you. The message boarders received me friendlily. Maybe too friendlily.
I kept getting traffic from the message board. Why are they so interested in my stupid
story? I wondered. I dug deeper into the site, curious to know more about the
place. Most of the posts were from men, and some of them
started asking more personal questions. Hmmm . . . this was a little strange. And
then it dawned on me—this was a fetish site.
A fetish site? I was being highlighted on a fetish site? Now
this was something really new for me. I’m about as sexy as a carpool mom on
Saturday morning (cf. Chess Hot).
Never have I been the subject of fetish. So, now I was slightly stunned and I
must admit intrigued.
When I shared it with Sister of Shark Girl, she got really
excited. She started drawing up plans to go big with this whole thing. She now wants
to monetize Shark Girl BJJ and sell subscribers videos and other stuff. (Sister is the
corporate one; she often runs with ideas and takes them to their money-making
end. Like the time we picked up stray balls at a nearby golf course and sold
them back to the golfers. This is why she works in banking.)
Anyway, the buzz has died down. As the weeks roll by, I get
fewer and fewer hits from my little message board. But I will never forget that,
for a while, a short while, I was not
some suburban mom dragging my kids to activities and losing my shit at
overflowing toilets and battling boys. I was not waxing my mustache and hiding grey roots. I was a Brazilian Jiu Jitsu Goddess who could sweep you into
submission, put on a rear naked choke, and never, never let you forget you’re a
Oh, and don’t worry. I’m not going to go all soft-core on
you. I can’t sell videos and remain anonymous. But I think this whole
experience has added to my caché: International Woman of Mystery and Soft-Core
Porn Star. It has a ring to it.