Are you searching for something for that special someone who
can choke the Thanksgiving stuffing out of you with her legs? Or maybe you want something
really special so that she doesn't
choke the stuffing out of you with her legs. Or maybe that's your thing and you
her to choke you out with her
legs, but she won't do it unless you get her something really
special. Hey, there’s no judging here. Just get her a damn
gift, will you?
If your jiu jitsu
lady is like me, any of the following will get you what you want:
A new gi bag
The one Shark Girl has
is really spent. It looks like it
has been sparring for three years instead of me!
. You read my last post
and feel sorry for me. Now
come and spar with me, damn it! I don't stink or bite . . . too much.
For everything. More time to write, more time to train, more time to sleep.
More time for everything in general. Fake things that give me more time not needed.
For example, do not give me an afternoon away from my kids because spending
time with my kids is my maternal responsibility--I would just have to make that up.
I actually want more
everyone else has. I want everyone to freeze in time except for me for a few
hours every day while I become super productive or get more ZZZs. So if you are
Dr. Who, or happen to know him, get on it, will you?
New hair ties.
Ones that will securely hold my thick, shortish hair, but will not pull it all
out when I remove them. Whatever happened to those old Goody elastics? Nothing
held my hair like them and I can't find them anywhere, except in my bathroom
and these are circa1988.
I said it.
I never, ever
thought I would say it. But, yes, I
Crocs. Wait, let me explain: When I go to the gym, I don’t want the
hassle of socks. In the summer, I wear flip flops. But in the winter, my feet will
freeze without socks. I just want to put my bare feet into something warm and
snuggly that I can wear outside in winter and that can handle gym sweat like my
summer flippies. These ones come with a removable, washable lining. Remember—I
said no judging!
Someone to put
my NAGA license plate surround on my car
. I'm too lazy to do it myself. And
nothing says soccer mom like an “I’d rather be choking you out” license plate.
I eat like crap. When I come home from school I am a garbage pit of salty,
greasy, corn-syrup injected, nutrient-devoid goodies. I am starving and eat
anything in sight. Usually I move from food group to food group, starting with
some tortilla chips, then pillaging my kids’ leftover Halloween candy, and
ending with some pretzels, throwing in some hummus just to be healthy. For
dessert I have cheese and crackers. If I've hit rock bottom, I break out the
CheezIts and don't stop until the whole box is consumed. Clearly I need
something right there and ready, no prep involved (please don't suggest fruit,
that’s insulting). It has to be good and satisfying and warm on my palate
because I'm weird like that and it's winter, almost, for God’s sake. Who eats
fruit in winter? That's for people living near the Equator or who have enough
money to fly in produce from Chile
Now you see why I get so depressed this time of year. It's a freaking carb fest
. Shark Girl’s migraines are back with a vengeance.
A dark navy blue
gi for women
. I salivate every time I see this color. I have
to have it! The only navy gi I’ve
seen for women is this Fenom
, and it’s out of stock. I like the Tatami even
better with its contrast patches, but alas, they have kept the ladies out of
their navy party. Is there anyone else who makes that sweet, sweet color I crave
10. New Gi “Undershirts.” The go-to
safeguards of Shark Girl’s modesty (i.e., the tank tops she wears under her
gis) have seen better days. They are tattered and torn, ripped and shredded from
my crazy mat tumbling and awkward take-downs. (just like SG, lol!) I prefer my
tank tops simple and white [If it weren’t offensive, I would insert a joke here
about how I like my men.]. Also, don’t give me any of that polyester crap. I
had enough of that in the ‘70s.
|Old Sharky’s under-gi wear preference is a tank top so she doesn’t overheat.|
So, take my list and run with it. Let me know how it goes,
and, Ladies, please add your
desired items! Happy Holidays to all!