Last spring Shark Girl found herself really busy. Too busy to blog. As I watched my stats dip from
disuse, I decided not to check my blog at all. I mean, who cares about stats,
anyway?
Finally, when precious time came back into my life, I
gingerly clicked my blog and braced myself for zero stats. To my surprise, my graph
had been skyrocketing for over a week! What the deuce? What has happened since
I last visited you, blog?
Out of curiosity, I checked my traffic sources and found
that an older post had been receiving lots of attention, and most of it was
from a little message board.
Don’t do it! You’re
whispering out loud to yourself. Don’t
click on it! It’s like the girl in the horror movie who you know is going into the house alone to investigate. You, dear readers,
know I should not click on unknown
websites, and you are shaking your collective head in dismay and terror. But I
did. I did click on it. You must know I did. And I explored that message board. It was all about women and bodybuilding. I posted
a thank-you. The message boarders received me friendlily. Maybe too friendlily.
I kept getting traffic from the message board. Why are they so interested in my stupid
story? I wondered. I dug deeper into the site, curious to know more about the
place. Most of the posts were from men, and some of them
started asking more personal questions. Hmmm . . . this was a little strange. And
then it dawned on me—this was a fetish site.
A fetish site? I was being highlighted on a fetish site? Now
this was something really new for me. I’m about as sexy as a carpool mom on
Saturday morning (cf. Chess Hot).
Never have I been the subject of fetish. So, now I was slightly stunned and I
must admit intrigued.
When I shared it with Sister of Shark Girl, she got really
excited. She started drawing up plans to go big with this whole thing. She now wants
to monetize Shark Girl BJJ and sell subscribers videos and other stuff. (Sister is the
corporate one; she often runs with ideas and takes them to their money-making
end. Like the time we picked up stray balls at a nearby golf course and sold
them back to the golfers. This is why she works in banking.)
Anyway, the buzz has died down. As the weeks roll by, I get
fewer and fewer hits from my little message board. But I will never forget that,
for a while, a short while, I was not
some suburban mom dragging my kids to activities and losing my shit at
overflowing toilets and battling boys. I was not waxing my mustache and hiding grey roots. I was a Brazilian Jiu Jitsu Goddess who could sweep you into
submission, put on a rear naked choke, and never, never let you forget you’re a
...
bloke?
Oh, and don’t worry. I’m not going to go all soft-core on
you. I can’t sell videos and remain anonymous. But I think this whole
experience has added to my caché: International Woman of Mystery and Soft-Core
Porn Star. It has a ring to it.
So... "If you can't stave off the weirdness, try to monetize it?"
ReplyDeleteI applaud the humor of this. Better to keep that mindset instead of just going "Ick!"
Oh, Tree Frog, I've missed you!
DeleteYou...CRACK me up! This is a hilarious post. I just updated my own blog after a 3-4 month sabbatical. Glad to be reading my fellow bloggers again. Hope all is well with you!
ReplyDeleteDag
Missed you! It must be all that SWAT training.
DeleteI totally need to use that phrase What the Deuce. Classic.
ReplyDeleteYes, I know EXACTLY the guys you are talking about. I get those same guys sending me messages online as well - asking if I've ever dominated another man, or if I could respect a man that I could beat. My response: wtf!
The interaction really was much more civil and respectful than I expected... In fact, when the original poster asked me a question I thought was none of his beans, I explained that, and he was really appreciative. What I really hate are the people who out of the blue ask me to send them a video of myself. Do they even read my blog? Hello...
Deletea-NON-y-mous!