This trial has officially taken over my life.
Today at the hair salon, I did something I said I would not do. Ever. To be fair, I didn’t go all the way. But I did reference “grappling” as a reason that I wanted my hair shorter. Is this a slippery slope? Will I be shaving my head next? And then growing one of those stylish goatees?
And I am considering taking a class at another place while I am visiting my parents over Christmas. (Now, I know Dagney is going to proclaim LUV, LUV, LUV. Sometimes others see it before we see it ourselves.) I’m afraid that if I miss a week I’m going to get my ass handed to me on the mat when I return.
My husband took me to task tonight.
“You shouldn’t be motivated out of fear,” he said.
“But I am!” I replied.
“You should be motivated from joy! Fear’s the wrong reason. You need to explore this. It’s a growing edge.” (Okay, for those of you who missed that my husband is a minister, this last statement probably brought you up to speed pretty quickly.)
“What if overcoming fear gives me joy?” I weakly responded. Weakly because my fear seems to shift from week to week. Fear of going to class. Fear of not going to class. It seems I do more fearing than overcoming.
The new gi came in the mail today. I went to open the package and Husband grabbed it out of my hands. “It’s for Christmas!” he shouted. “I have to wrap it and put it under the tree!” No matter that I picked it out and ordered it myself.
As we close in on the holidays, I wish you all more joy and less fear in the New Year.