I thought I had the terror thing under control. I thought after 5 classes, that I was okay. Not scared. Not me. For the first five classes, I was afraid that if I missed one, I wouldn’t return. But class #6? No problem. Or so I thought until about half an hour before curtain time. Then, a little flutter in the bottom of my belly. Can I really do this? I forced my mind to stop thinking. I went into meditative mode. Showered. Put on my gear. Paced the first floor. Went back upstairs to rub lotion into my dry legs and hands. Back downstairs and to the car. When I finally got to the studio, I did some deep breathing.
You know, I’m not afraid that someone’s going to crush me. I am scared to be so much out of my comfort zone. I have no idea what I’m doing. Where was I supposed to put that arm? Oh, the sweep won’t work unless the foot is placed exactly here? I’ve been told so many times, but can’t seem to get my body to remember. And I hate being the newbie that you know people are reluctant to pair up with, never mind the newbie girl.
I made it through tonight with minimal injuries. Just a tiny pulled muscle on my right side. I did clock one of my partners in the teeth. Hooray for mouth guards . . . I should get one of those.
They say it takes one month to habituate a practice. Next week will be my one month mark. Perhaps the fear will be gone then? I’ll keep you posted.