Oh, yes I did. I did a bad thing tonight. And I feel terrible.
Class was great, until then. I was learning more armbars and practicing. Then we started sparring. The Old Boys taught me new tricks and gave me a good run. As the night closed, I asked SMEWB if he wanted to roll. He was sweating and obviously tired. I was breaking a sweat, but not exhausted. The Old Boys don’t roll so hard on me, plus I’ve got my runner’s endurance. He accepted, a little reluctantly. We rolled.
I have fun rolling with SMEWB because it clearly is a challenge. Our skill levels are close and he is not a great, big guy. He got in my guard and I tried to choke him. He countered with a forearm to my neck, so I released the choke. Then we grappled around for position. He was mostly on top. I have trouble getting out from underneath. I consciously practiced my elbow-knee escapes. A couple of times he gave up his hips to my feet and I Flying Exited him. He tried to armbar me and I wriggled out. Somehow I ended up on top. I went for a choke. He put up his shoulder and all those armbars came back to me. I grabbed his arm, quickly spun around, nailed the armbar. He tapped.
And then “it” happened. I heard the word escape my mouth before I could close it. “Yesssss!” I squeezed through my teeth, kind of a whisper, with the final esses hissing victory. And I felt immediately horrible. I couldn’t take it back. I couldn’t say anything. That would make it worse. I imagine that dialog would go something like: “Excuse me! I just gloated over my win. I’m so sorry—you must feel emasculated.” “Oh, no, it’s nothing, really.” So, I simply thanked him for a great roll and wished him a Merry Christmas. (I know he celebrates, so at least that was not a faux pas.)
When I got home I told Husband about it.
“I feel so bad.”
“Oh. Yeah. That was bad,” said Husband.
“Oh, my God, really? Was it really that bad? Tell me it wasn’t.”
“No, it was. You can’t do that. You’re ‘the girl.’ They’ve got egos. No one’s going to want to spar with you if you do that.”
“I know, I know. But it just came out. I couldn’t control it. I wasn’t expecting to win and it was a hard fight.”
“Well, I don’t know. What do I know? I think it’s bad, though.”
Yep. I think it was bad, too. I have a feeling I’m going to pay for that “Yesssss!” And I deserve it.