Husband came home the other day and said, “Have you heard
about the fatberg in the sewers of London?” No, I hadn’t. Checking out the
status of the London sewers is not on my daily to-do list.
“Well, let
me tell you all about it!” said Husband, a little more fascinated than he
should have been. “You see, they’re formed when people throw fat and wet wipes
down their pipes.”
“Oh,
really? That’s nice . . . “ I nodded and smiled, half-listening, half trying to
figure out 7-Down on the New York Time crossword puzzle.
“Yes, and
apparently those flushable wipes aren’t so flushable. The fat sticks to them, and
then everything else sticks to that, all the waste and stuff, and it all forms
a big blockage in the sewer.”
 |
| Yum! |
“Uh-huh …” Here
goes Husband, demonstrating that “boy” fascination with poop. This morning
8-Year-Old Son had a sixteen-minute guffaw attack at the slight probability that
there was diarrhea in a toilet. During breakfast, no less.
“Yep. It
was the size of a 747.”
“Wait, what? I can’t use those flushable wipes
anymore?” Reality was starting to hit me. I love
those flushable wipes.
“Yeah, not
so flushable.”
“Wait, but
are people throwing the not-flushable
ones down and that’s what’s causing the problem? Or are the flushable ones causing the problem?” I
really love my flushable wipes, and it would be nice not to feel guilty using
them.
 |
| Next they'll tell me I can't flush these!! |
“I don’t really
know.”
“Can they
remove the fatberg?”
"Yeah, I guess they go in and
unclog it.”
I think I understand how that sewer felt when they decided
to Roto-Rooter it Terminator-style. You see, right now I am dealing with my
kidneyberg, and it’s pretty much the same procedure. But my pipes are a lot
smaller, and I’m a little more fleshy and have a few more nerve endings than a
sewer pipe.
“Of course, you’ll be able to do whatever you want with the stent
in,” the doctor said. “It may be a little uncomfortable, and you may bleed a
little..”
“Even
contact sports?” I asked, hopeful not to miss out on too much jiu jitsu.
“Even
contact sports, as long as you are not in pain.”
So, with that, I got the stent in.
And let me tell you: doctors lie. To your face. And that is
what I have in common with the London sewer. Neither of us can practice jiu jitsu right now.
You should not flush *any* of those wipes. The insides of the pipes are often not smooth- they catch wipes, hair, dental floss (so don't flush that either). I like the wipes too, but it's safer to put them in a covered trashcan.
ReplyDeleteI am crying. But I thank you for your honesty, Savage.
DeleteYou'll thank me when you're NOT writing a check to your plumber to unclog your toilet.
ReplyDeleteGlad school started back up again?
ReplyDeleteHere's hoping your kidneyberg works its way out relatively pain-free and quickly. Enjoy some pumpkin spiced things - beer, coffee, pie etc.
Hah! I like being able to pay my mortgage and eat. But, really, work has cut WAY into my free time!
DeleteThanks for your well wishes. I need them right about now. I feel like my whole experience with the medical establishment of late has been one long episode of Hee Haw.
Yes, pumpkin is your season, right? : )